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That girl who adored John Cusack once had an opportunity to spend a weekend with me in New York at the Waldorf-Astoria, but she elected to fly to Portland instead to see the first U.S. appearance by Coldplay, a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love. It doesn't matter that Coldplay is absolutely the shittiest  fucking band in I've ever heard in my entire fucking life, or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of Travis (who sound like a mediocre photocopy of Radiohead) or that their greatest fucking achievement is a video where their blandly attractive frontman walks on a beach on a cloudy fucking afternoon. None of that matters. What matters is that Coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as Ford manufactures fucking Mustangs, and that's all this woman heard. "For you I bleed myself dry," sang their blockhead vocalists, brilliantly informing us that stars in the sky are, in fact, yellow. How am I going to compete with that shit?

But I love Coldplay. And Travis. And Radiohead.

Edrie says how are the MA plans and I joke "gusto ko lang naman talaga mag-asawa ng Amerikano at pumunta sa Amerika." Then he says African-American men have the biggest penises in the world. Wow Edrie, the facts you've accumulated. Quite impressive.
10 April 2009 @ 12:32 pm

Ivy first let me listen to this from her ipod a year back. I forget the context now, I must have been worried over something and she was trying to cheer me up. She said if I find someone, I should make him sing me this.

I want to be a yarn doll on a bicycle. I want to fly a kite.
02 April 2009 @ 10:20 am
The Holy Week plan: Find a cheap hotel room with wifi, read nonstop, work and finish all side projects, write (or try to), watch Rent, documentaries and tv comedies, sleep for ten hour periods, not see the sunlight for a few days.

(now if only I can get this laptop to function arrrrgh.)
C says she's planning to get married soon. I don't know why but the news makes me happy. Finally, some semblance of stability. It's been long enough, stumbling through adulthood, grabbing chances at happiness. I hate weddings but this one should be an exception.

I've always felt weird talking with people from way back, with how everything has changed, lives gone smoothly and astray in different directions. Ten years back, we thought we were ready for life and its permutations, George captured our pictures in black and white, an emblem of the past as if to say there was nothing but the great future ahead of us. Now, we still stumble through different, yet parallel stories of gains, loves and losses.

Sometimes it was too much too handle, and we were young - the falling apart of selves, departures, arrivals, pregnancies, corporate jungles, ruined relationships. Years back under narra trees, we waited for our lives to unfold, bored, restless. We were in love with ourselves, we could only wait for that love to unravel.

There was a conversation with Nikki years back. We were afraid of being ordinary, of our lives meaning nothing. It was college, the time when dreams didn't fail us yet. But too many things have happened, these days, I just want to be ordinary, find myself again. The person who flickered a flashlight on George's tent roof, who sang along during a Side A concert in the parking lot under a drizzle. Rebuild our heroes, rebuild us, forget the betrayals, the faces of those who have managed to hurt us, forget the cynicism, go back to when days were possible without five cups of coffee. And most of all, to forgive ourselves for the hope that didn't see us through, because we were young then, and we still are young and life can still be inexplicably wonderful.
26 March 2009 @ 01:06 pm
Kaye is leaving next week. I tried to digest that news while we were in Eastwood last night for take out dinner and Watchmen. I couldn't remember the last time I saw her - it must have been months. It seemed as if we've had issues since forever, work, personal lives etc. And still, I could call her for things I wouldn't discuss to anyone else. I didn't even know how to say goodbye and thank you.

Watchmen felt cheesy, with a creepy moral lesson in the end, unnecessary scenes and a misfit of a soundtrack. We were in the recliner seats in the Eastwood Mall and at some point, sleeping became more appealing to finishing the movie. Only they didn't provide blankets. I liked the Dr. Manhattan - Silk Spectre angle, but even that couldn't save the movie.

We did get a free bucket of cheese popcorn each. And while in a conversation on something about college, Lara said something about being stupid and young, but I had no idea what she was talking about.
18 March 2009 @ 05:14 pm

(The best part in Yes Man.)

13 March 2009 @ 10:23 am
I have been dreaming statistical processes lately. Always, it's the SPSS nightmare - the encoding never stops, the codes don't mean a thing, the numbers don't add up.

Sometimes the list of tasks to accomplish, for personal growth, for happiness whatever, feels impossible to finish. And then I go back to music.

22 February 2009 @ 10:23 pm
Three more months and I'll be a full year in the job. I've never lasted a year in any job. My shortest stint was in a government agency where I got hired to do research only no one knew exactly what I was going to research about. They made me wear a skirt. I lasted eight days. For the sake of survival though, I have engaged in the following: writing spam, writing more spam, writing about dog grooming, early pregnancy symptoms, the wisdom of Dr. Phil, the battle between cauliflower versus broccoli etc. At some point, Paul and I thought about reselling dried fish. But dried fish is complicated, it didn't work out.

I can't wait to be a full year in. It's tough being the kid who failed the marshmallow test, it's like being haunted forever.

I need to have a plan. I told Ivy that and she said, what plan? I said I didn't know exactly what but I had to start somewhere. So what I really need is a plan to have a plan. I have no idea how that's going to work out.

But I wrote a story where no one died, and no one committed incest. That should be a start to better things.
19 February 2009 @ 10:21 am
Someday I will find the humor and poetry in all this.
17 December 2008 @ 10:28 am
possible spoilerCollapse )